


Matters Of The Heart

by LovePuppy25



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: A Lou Fa works at the Main HQ Au, A short fluffy fic, F/M, I needed a break from my stories for a bit and from the Essays I have to write, This was mainly a writing exercise, Wait ESSAYS, bye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 14:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16369424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovePuppy25/pseuds/LovePuppy25
Summary: Matters of the heart are a fragile affair and must be handled with care. When Lou Fa has accomplished one of her dreams, she finds that she needs to search for another. Yet, there are things that keep a heart encased. In this case, it is her own fears. With some slight encouragement, she decided to take a leap of faith. A short Lou FAllen one-shot.





	Matters Of The Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to make some self-indulgent fluff for my favorite pairing. This was a "TREAT YOURSELF" fanfic for me (also to serve as an exercise in writing smooches and confessions).

After all her hard efforts (pushing numbers and the chief's coffee), she finally accomplished one of her greatest achievements. With her stuff packed, Lou Fa's friends wished her a tearful farewell. Life at the Main HQ was not how she expected it to be at first. She expected to be walking amongst to most pristine of scientists. People that she was to master walking on eggshells around to gain a bit of respect. After all, these were the geniuses of her time.

So when she was welcomed with open arms, a silly coffee mug, and exhausted faces, Lou Fa felt at ease a bit. She began to see and understand each dynamic they had. Everyone was exhausted, they were all sad, and surprisingly happy too. She never worried about not being able to socialize with her new colleagues. Everyone was friendly.  _Well…_ She grimaced, there was a duo from Central that made her uncomfortable.

_But!_ She had new friends like Johnny, Cache, and the darling, Lenalee. Johnny was a sweetheart whose wacky theories reminded her of herself. Cache and Lenalee were like the sisters she never had. Cache was tough and didn't hold back. However, that meant she treated her as an adult and showered in her in some needed tough love. Lenalee was (she now deduced) made of candy. The girl was as if sugar was personified. Yet, she had her angry moments too. Specifically with her fellow exorcists and her brother.

Of course, she never forgot about her old friends. Rikei and Shifu as well as Gigi. Gigi was transferred over way before her. So, she (like a lost duck) was sewn to his hip for the first months. She fondly remembered the day she arrived. Everyone was in a big time rush  **(OH OH OH OHHHHHHH)**. She was so nervous to even talk to anyone else. Gigi, her one confidant, had been busy. The higher-ups gave her a number to her new room on a slip. Lou Fa had been frantic. Walking briskly back and forth in the various buildings. Afraid to turn around mid-step when she realized she had gone the wrong way or ask the exhausted crew where to turn. That's when Lenalee swept in like an angel and calmly helped her.

And now here she was. A new shiny gear in this working a machine. She was part of a team that held their hearts on their sleeves. Everything she had struggled for was coming to fruition. All the years of people deciding for her or pushing aside her dreams and now she did it.  _Now it's time for a new dream, huh?_ Thankfully, she already had her eye on it.

Lou Fa watched as her new love interest ate cheerfully alongside their friends. It was no secret to Gigi or the rest of her new friends where her heart was set. It was frustrating and a bit lonely having a crush. Her tongue tied itself every time she thought of confessing to him. She just couldn't help herself. He was handsome, brave, clever, and had a heart of gold. Qualities she had seen in storybooks of old.

Allen Walker had been one of the kind souls to welcome her. Her crush didn't hesitate to help in any way. That blinding smile he directed towards her always made her fall over and over. Despite being able to get himself lost, he seemed to have a knack of finding her in her times of need. Either when she was struggling to carry materials down to the labs—

* * *

_"Ugh! Why did I volunteer to get this?" Lou Fa grunted as she struggled to carry a large, beige cardboard box. Inside there was a clinking of glass and shuffling of papers._

_Someone needed to go grab some supplies out storage. Another chemical accident caused some equipment to break. Lou Fa, eager to please, had offered (read as: sacrificed) herself. Johnny tried to help_ (I should've taken his help!)  _but she dismissed him. This had been her chance to take her shot, but now…she groaned as her knees ached._

_"I have a strong regret," she muttered._

Break, I just need to take a break…. _Lou Fa glanced around to find a place to set the fragile equipment down. She nearly cried when she didn't find anything. Lou Fa set the box down on the ground with a huff. She stretched for a second before diving back for it. The fact of the matter was that she had come all this way. She wasn't going to stop now. So, with a large heave, she lifted the box up. However, she had miscalculated how much she had to lean back. The weight of it caused her to tip back and lose her balance._

_With a shriek, she fell. Her hands were tight on the box and she was almost ready to feel the pain of being crushed by its weight. Then, she stopped mid-air. Her arms were out and she was balancing on her heels. The scientist looked around before in front of her. She saw two gloved hands around the box and silver eyes staring down at her. She felt her face flush._

_"M-Mr. Walker!" he smiled and pulled her forward. She fell on her feet safe and sound._

_"That would've been a disaster. Are you okay?"_

_She swooned, "Now I am. Thank you, Mr. Walker."_

_"Here, let me." he gently took the heavy box from her. She watched as he effortlessly carried it alongside her. At that moment, as he smiled with her, she knew there had to be a God looking out for her._ Now if only he'll do the same for him.

* * *

Or when she tripped down the stairs—

* * *

_Lou Fa swore under her breath as she rushed around the corner. Her hand was in her hair as she tried to calm the wild, loose waves. Her hair ties were secure around her wrist as she tried to part her hair. She had slept in late and was rushing to get there on time. Her clothes were thrown haphazardly on, her tie wasn't even tied, and her glasses were thrown in the large pocket of her lab coat._

_She blamed her lateness on her dysfunctional alarm and the pile of extra work in her room. Lou Fa raced across the courtyard and into the administrative building. She had effortlessly got down a few of the stairs before her luck hit rock bottom._

_The scientist turned around the corner of the stair landing and made a misstep. Time slowed as she was propelled forward. Her momentum from rushing was still with her. A shriek escaped her as she saw two figures in her line of path. Without her glasses, it was tough to see who they were. Her arms gutted out to grab onto something when she fell straight into a firm, warm form. Her hands grabbed the shoulders of the perso_ — _man she fell into. His arms were wrapped securely around her. There was a familiar scent of musk and Mitarashi dangos._ Wait.  _Lou Fa looked up and saw Allen Walker. The proximity made his face clear. Her face exploded in red._

_"M-M-Mr. Walker!" she stuttered out._

_"Oh my." she heard another man speak. She glanced over and saw a man with blonde hair._ That must be Link.

_"Are you alright, Ms. Lou Fa?" she heard the angel speak. Dumbly, she nodded. He turned and carefully placed her down next to him. He loosened his grip on her and pulled a fair distance away from her. "You shouldn't be running down the stairs like that." he chided._

_"I…uhm. I know. Thank you, I_ — _" she glanced over and saw the clock. It was blurry, but her memory of an image of a clock paired to where she saw the hands on that one made her panic. "I'm late! I need to run!"_

_She turned to leave but was held back. "Wait!"_

_"But_ — _"_

_He cut her off, "I'm sure you don't want to go in looking like that." he gestured._

_Lou Fa tilted her head and looked down. Her clothes were wrinkled and twisted a bit. The big issue, however, was her shirt. It was only buttoned up enough to cover the lower portion of her bra. The top of her cups and cleavage was on full display. She shrieked and pulled her shirt close._ No wonder I felt a little cold.  _If the mythical god, Zeus, had been real, she wished he could strike her down at this moment. The amount of embarrassment she was feeling was undefined._

Oh god, what am I going to do?! I have no time! And he saw me like this and now he probably thinks I'm some harlot and— _The scientist felt a hand being placed on her shoulder. She looked up to see Allen giving her a sympathetic smile. "Hey, it'll be okay. Just fix yourself up and come with me to grab some coffee. The guys won't have any quarrel with you if you have coffee."_

_"Really?" she asked weakly. He nodded. She sighed and smiled in relief. "Thank you."_

_He was still for a moment and stared at her with an odd expression. She swore his cheeks were starting to color before she heard Link cough. Allen looked over at him and smiled sheepishly. "Right! I um…I think I saw a bathroom around here…" She giggled and let him lead her away._

_Suddenly he stopped, "Oh, and by the way…" Allen glanced over at her with a soft smile, "I know you don't mean for it to be, but your hair looks lovely down."_

_Lou Fa stared at him with awe and brushed her bangs away from her eyes. "T-Thank you." she kept the sight of how big his next smile was close to her heart._

* * *

Or, the most recent incident, when she fell off the tallest latter in the library—

* * *

_Errands, errands, errands. It was her habit as an intern to pick up all the errands. Something that didn't seem to go away anytime soon. Reever had asked her to get him a book out the library to help with his research. She couldn't say no._

_Lou Fa's eyes scanned the desaturated colored leather of each book that lined the very top shelves. Some of them were dusty. Others had cobwebs holding them together. She grimaced as she remembered brushing her hand across one. With tired eyes, she looked up at the next shelf and gasped. There it was. The book she was searching for. After hours and no help from Lavi (the only other person that was in here before her), she found it!_

_The scientist reached out and her fingertip grazed the old leather-bound book. Despair grabbed her heart, it was not in arms reach. It was too high and this latter was just too low for her. Her other hand grabbed another shelf. She would have to stretch for it. Lou Fa stretched her arm out. As before her fingers grazed the binding. She struggled and reached for the top of it. If she could just get her finger over the lip of the leather, at the top, she would be golden. It was too tightly flush with the other books to grab it by its spine._

_Yet, each reach was providing no results. So, she wiggled a bit and rose on her tiptoes. In desperation, she even let herself balance on one foot to reach._ Just…a few…more centimeters!  _She foolishly hopped up and finally pulled it out._

_"Yes!" her foot missed the landing and slipped from the latter. Her eyes widened, "No!"_

_Her hand reached out, but it was too late. The terror that ran through her as she free fell was paralyzing._ How high up was I? Oh god, could this fall actually do me in?  _At worst, her head would break open. Her bones would feel like they shattered. At least, she would get a wicked head injury and some spinal issues. Lou Fa closed her eyes and feared the worst._ Of all the days.

_Suddenly, there was a warmth all around her. The complete opposite of what she was expecting. She expected a hard and sudden stop that was cold and full of pain. She opened her eyes and found herself face to face with Allen Walker. He was practically an angel from this point of view. His white locks reflected the lights and gave him a halo effect. His eyes were staring at her with concern and a hint of amusement. Her faced burned._

_Without meaning to, she stuttered. "A-Allen!" she gasped and covered her mouth. "I mean—Mr. Walker!"_

_He chuckled, "We've got to stop meeting like this."_

_The scientist giggled, "Agreed."_

* * *

The fact of the matter was, Allen Walker was an angel in disguise and she couldn't deny her feelings for him. She wanted so desperately to tell him. To scream to the world how much she adored him. To whisper softly to him how badly he made her heart pound. To just look at him and make him realize that she loved him.

At first, she dreamed of him returning her feelings. She couldn't count the nights in which dreamt of him accepting her. But, she could count the few nights that she feared his answer. Those nightmares reminded her of the possible dangers of letting her heart out. Her eyes darkened as she remembered the past. Someone once told her a scary line. It held her heart hostage from many in the years and now…she was afraid of what would happen if she slipped.

_"Remember, my dear. Love is weakness."_

She didn't want to be a weakness for Allen. She didn't want Central to manipulate her to control him. If he loved her back, it would be dangerous for him.  _But…if he doesn't…I fear my heart won't survive._ The woman never felt so strongly about someone else before. There had been others in the past. But, no one ever made her feel like he did. She knew the chemical responsible for her feelings. It explained all her symptoms of so-called, Lovesickness. But when she saw him smile, bicker playfully with his friends, and give her that same look in his eyes, she knew that science couldn't explain it all.

Without having to try, he pierced through all defenses and left her practically helpless.  _I'm helplessly and hopelessly in love with him._

"Ms. Lou Fa?" she was startled back to reality and looked over to see the one that called her. No surprise who it was. "Are you okay?"

She glanced around and saw their friends looking at her a bit concerned. "Oh, sorry! I was just lost in thought. It happens from time to time." she felt her face burn in embarrassment.

Lavi spoke with chewed food in his mouth. "Wha waz ya.." he paused and swallowed. "…thinking about?"

"An idea for a research project." she lied. "I was just…coming up with problems to solve, hypotheses, the works…" she chuckled. Unknown to her, a pair of warm silver eyes peered at her with a sad gleam.

"I got an idea for ya!" Lavi cheerfully spoke. "A device that can be used to make someone completely bald."

"I'm not helping you take away Mr. Bookman's hair." she instantly replied. The apprentice pouted while everyone laughed around him. Like that, everyone fell back to normal. Conversations flew up and around. Lou Fa smiled fondly as she listened to the people around her. Her eyes wandered over to Allen. He was conversing (read as bickering) a bit with Lavi. The other had a smug expression while Allen seemed a tad frustrated.

Her cheeks turned red as she looked at him with a soft expression. She knew that the exorcist had a heart the size of the sun. He treated everyone fairly and comforted the rest of them with his kind smiles. She knew he couldn't be hers, but that didn't stop her. The scientist decided, as she looked at him, that she would not harbor those hopes of a happily ever after too close to her heart. Instead, she will be the friend he needs. She would act as an island for him, soothe the pain he felt, and repay all the things he did for them. Because she loved him.

Suddenly, she heard a quiet giggle. She looked over and noticed Lenalee staring at her with a slight smirk. The girl's eyes flickered to Allen before landed on her. The Dark Boots holder tilted her head as if to silently inquire. Lou Fa blushed at the nonverbal conversation. She lightly shook her head as her eyes diverted. She heard Lenalee sigh before responding to Marie about a different matter.

Soon enough, they all finished their food and everyone started to disperse. Lou Fa allowed the flow to take her back to work. Yet, she lingered near Allen as long as she could. Suddenly, she felt a thin arm slip around hers. She looked at noticed Lenalee's smile.

"Can I speak to you for a bit, Lou Fa?" she whispered as Allen started to bicker with Kanda. The girl nodded. Lenalee turned them around and they quietly slipped away from the scene. They got far enough to hide behind a corner before Lenalee released her. The younger girl looked at her with a fond smile. "When are you going to speak up?"

She was startled by the question. "What?"

"Lou Fa…you keep making longing glances at Allen, but you haven't told him that you liked him yet."

The scientist sighed. "I know." She had a familiar conversation like this with Cache a few months back. The girl empowered her enough for her to try that day. However, as soon as she saw him, the words were gone.

"He isn't going to notice your feelings if you stay silent. You should at least make him aware before…you can't again." the girl sadly reminded her of the stakes.

"But…"  _Love is weakness._ "…I don't want to be a burden—I mean, I think I should just push aside these feelings and continue being his friend first. He needs that more than some girl saying that she Lo—er, likes him."

Lenalee gasped, "You were about to say "love". You love him, don't you?"

"I…" she bit her lip as she felt her face heat up. Lou Fa waved her hand in front of her face as an attempt to cool down. "I don't deny that."

"Oh my, Lou Fa!" Lenalee sounded exasperated, "You have to say something!"

"I can't!"

"Yes, you can!" The girl grabbed her by her shoulders and stared her down. "Listen, the longer you wait, the more painful it will be. And then, he'll slip right through your fingers. It's time to act selfishly for once! Just say it."

"She's right." the girls shrieked and held onto each other. They looked over and saw a dark figure creep out. They both relaxed upon seeing who it was. The tall and nervous exorcist, Krory. "Sorry for startling and eavesdropping. But, Ms. Lenalee is right. If I had my chance to see Eliade one last time…I'd tell her all the things I felt for her one last time. Don't wait. You might never get to say it."

She bit her bottom lip and looked down. They're right. She knows for damn sure they are, but the fear…was still there. While it was true that love was harder alone, she was afraid of any rejection from him. What would she lose by just confessing? Her heart was already taken by him. By actually confessing, it felt like she was stripping herself of every piece of armor and trusting that he won't shoot her down. She knew he wouldn't do anything to harm her, but…matters of the heart were far more fragile than anything else. Lovesickness, she concluded, was truly a real disease.

"Okay, I'll try."

Lenalee hugged her tightly before tilting her head up. "No, you will. I believe in you."

"Thank you."

"And hey, if he says no, then you and me will have a date with ice cream. I'll have Jeryy make his best."

Lou Fa giggled, "Deal."

The scientist separated from her two friends with a new goal. Today was the day. The longer she waited, the more painful it would be to hold it in. She just had to say it to him, it's just three little words after all.  _If not, maybe I can compose a letter…or is that too cowardly?_ While she was lost in thought of her plans, she walked aimlessly around the halls. Had she stopped and thought about how her luck was, then she would've paid attention. However, the girl (predictably) ran into someone.

She looked up and cursed the gods. Of course, it was him, she just had to run into him. On the day that she decided to actually confess.  _I kind of hoped I wouldn't catch him so soon._ She needed time to prepare, but…was that just an excuse to delay this further?

"A-Allen! Sorry, I'm a little out of it today." she chuckled. He frowned.

"I see that." she blushed, "I hope I don't sound rude for asking why? I mean…I hate to say this, but I know you lied earlier." he looked at her with concern. Her expression changed to one of shock.  _Damnit_. "So, what's really on your mind?"  _YOU!_

"Uhm…" she bit her lip, "Mr. Walker,—" she reverted back to the formalities, much to Allen's displeasure, "—are you…are you interested in anybody?"

He looked confused for a moment. "Well, everyone's a bit interesting. Like Lavi and Bookmen. They're a secretive lot, but Lavi is oddly knowledgeable about the strangest of things. Like he recited the entire Romeo & Juliet play to win a bet once."

She giggled at his obvious misunderstanding of her question. The girl shook her head. "No, I mean. Is there anyone at the order that you like?"

"Everyone? I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're trying to ask." she heard Link behind him sigh.  _Damn! I forgot he follows him around._ Well, now she had a witness to her embarrassment.

Lou Fa sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm asking if you have any romantic feelings or, to be more frank, in love with someone?" As thickheaded as Allen was, there was no way that he could misinterpret this. She looked up to see his face turn as red as a tomato. He coughed and sputtered. It was an adorable sight to see.

"W-What! I er, I don't! I mean…we maybe I—I, why would you ask that kind of question?" he hugged himself tightly as he looked down at her.

"Because…" she took a deep breath.  _Jeryy's Ice cream, here I come._ "I'm in love with you Allen Walker." his stunted expression made her hesitate, but the words were out. Might as well continue on, "From the moment I saw you, I've had an enormous crush on you. And how could I not? You're handsome, charming, and the sweetest guy I know. These past months being here, my feelings have only grown. So much so, that it's painful to keep it to myself." She held her hands close to her chest. Her body was trembling and her heart was racing. "And I don't just feel this way towards you because you're an exorcist. Nothing superficial like that. I…I love you because you fight for what you believe in despite the situation going on around you. I love you because you never turn a blind eye to someone in need. I love you because of how bright you shine when you talk about your favorite meals. I love how you make me feel like I'm flying and, in the same breath, falling. No one has ever made me feel this way before."

She took a deep breath after her long speech to try and steady her nerves. Her heart was pounding in her ears. She held her hands tightly to stop the shaking. She could feel his eyes burning into her. Lou fa's face was probably permanently red at this point. She kept her eyes averted. The woman felt afraid to look at him. If she saw the expression on his face, she would know his answer right away. It was too much.

"Lou Fa…" he spoke just above a whisper. "I…I don't know what to say…"

Her heart started to ache. "There's no need!" she quickly spoke. "I don't need your answer. I didn't say this to you in hopes that you would court me or anything like that. I'm satisfied with only this. I just wanted you to know, that there's someone here who loves you no matter what." She bravely looked up at him.

The cursed exorcist stared at her with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. His silence scared her. Even though she said she didn't want his answer, she knew the truth. Her flight instinct decided to take control. She pulled back the cuff of her coat. Lou Fa looked at the watch and smiled nervously.

"I have to go. I have a lot of work to do." she stepped away. "I'll see you later, thank you for listening." the girl quickly turned away.  _If I run fast enough, maybe I'll find a cliff to run off of?_

"Wait!" she felt him grab her wrist. Lou Fa turned and looked at him in surprise. He was giving her an expression that she never saw on him before. His cheeks were dusted pink. "Please don't turn away," he pleaded, "I know you said you don't need my answer, but I want you to know. You had the courage to tell me, it's the least I can do for you." Her throat felt like it was closing in. she swallowed hard as she stared up at him. Her mind bounced around all the possible things he could say. She tried to stray away from the hopeful outcome, but…

"I-I feel the same way."  _What._ "I have for a while now."  _WHAT._ Allen chuckled and looked away, his face turning with each word he stumbled over. "The funny er…thing about this is that I was just…talking with Lavi about this. He told me to just say it, so here it goes. Um, I love you, Lou Fa. You're so amazing. You're smart, kind, beautiful, and you have this smile. Sort of subtle and perfect and real. You don't know how wonderful that smile could make someone feel. And though I wanted to, I couldn't talk to you. I was afraid you didn't feel the same way, but now I know that's not so. So, yeah." he scratched the back of his neck a bit nervously.

Lou Fa continued to stare at him with wide eyes. It felt like she was in a dream. To hear him look at her like that and say those things. It had to be. The woman reached forward toward and rests her hand on his cheek. Seeing him turn scarlet from this action made her heart skip. With no hesitation, she pinched the boy's cheek. He was rightfully startled and she pulled her hand away quickly. Allen let go of her wrist and cupped his cheek with a pout.

"Wh-Why did you pinch me?"

"I wanted to check to see if this was real."

He blushed, "Don't you usually pinch yourself for that?"  _Good point._ She grabbed the skin on her arm before he stopped her. Allen held her hands and gave her a soft smile. "That doesn't mean pinch yourself." he chuckled.

"So this really is—?" he nodded and let his forehead rest on hers. At this rate, she knew he felt the heat coming of her face. He had to know the effect he was having on her! His almost smug smile gave her the suspicion that he did. Lou Fa's brown eyes flickered down his lips and then into his eyes. Catching him doing the same thing in the processing. Her lips trembled as she spoke, "I..I think I need to do one more test to be sure."

"Oh?"

She nodded lightly. Lou Fa slipped her hand away and caressed his cheek. "No pinching this time," she giggled.

Allen grinned, "I'll hold you to that." he snaked his arm around the small of her back.

With a soft smile, she slipped her hand to the nap of his neck. Her fingers were threaded between silky strands of hair. Her caged heart felt like it was about to pop out. With a slight turn of her head, she leaned forward and placed a swift butterfly kiss on his lips. It was gentle and chaste. Unlike those novels she's read, there were no fireworks. Instead, a far better sensation. A warmth that filled her up. Spilling from her heart and rushing to every corner of her body. Every inch of her was saturated with love. It made her feel a bit lightheaded as she pulled away.

With her cheeks still blushing hotly, she glanced back into his captivating silver eyes. Lou Fa watched breathlessly as he studied her with a silent intensity. His warm breath ghosting across her face. She watched him smile before pulling her back in. She stifled a surprised gasp as those same soft lips captured hers. The world fell away. This kiss was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. It gave her a rush of euphoric bliss that enveloped her, making her heart sing with joy. This kiss was long and confirmed everything they had said.

_I Love You._

They pulled away with matching red faces. The two were lost in each other and gave no notice to the watchful eye of the Crow member. Nor to the peeking glances of their peers.

**Author's Note:**

> The End.
> 
> Ciao-su~!


End file.
